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Understanding Postpartum Depression and How to Support It

“I Didn’t Expect to Feel This Way”

For many new mothers, the journey into parenthood brings a mix of emotions – joy, exhaustion, wonder, and overwhelming responsibility. Yet, for some, this journey also brings feelings that are unexpected, confusing, and deeply isolating. Postpartum depression (PPD) affects an estimated 10% to 20% of mothers in Singapore, according to studies by KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital and the Institute of Mental Health. Despite being common, it remains under-discussed and often misunderstood.

Raising awareness about postpartum depression begins with understanding it within yourself and within your support system. We hope that by empowering Singaporeans with the knowledge and skills to recognise signs and provide meaningful support can bring more mothers to seek help when it’s needed.

When Motherhood Feels Different

Postpartum depression doesn’t always manifest as extreme sadness. Often, it appears as emotional numbness, anxiety, irritability, or an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. Many mothers find themselves wondering:

  • “Why am I crying when everything is supposed to be perfect?”
    You’ve just come home with your baby, surrounded by well wishes and gifts. But you find yourself crying alone in the shower, unsure of what triggered it. You’re told this is the happiest time of your life, but why does it feel so hard?
  • “Why do I feel distant from my baby?”
    You expected an instant bond. But when you hold your baby, you feel like you’re looking at someone else’s child. You go through the motions of feeding, changing diapers and patting your baby to sleep, yet you feel disconnected and question if you’re doing something wrong or if you don’t love your baby.
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  • “Why do I feel so alone even when surrounded by people?”
    Your partner is helping, your mother is visiting, and your phone is full of congratulatory messages. Still, you feel emotionally isolated, as though no one truly understands what you’re going through.
  • “Why am I angry all the time?”
    The sound of the baby crying, spilled milk, or even a casual comment can spark irritation or rage. You’re shocked at how quickly your temper flares, and you feel ashamed after each outburst.
  • “Why does this feel so heavy when everyone says it’s the most beautiful experience?”
    Social media shows glowing moms and adorable newborns. Meanwhile, you feel weighed down by physical exhaustion, emotional confusion, and the pressure to enjoy every moment.
  • “Why can’t I enjoy the little moments like everyone else seems to?”
    Friends share how their baby’s first smile made them cry with joy. You saw your baby smile today too, but instead of joy, you felt nothing. And that scares you.
  • “Why do I feel like I’m failing even though I’m trying my best?”
    You follow advice, attend check-ups, and meet your baby’s needs. Yet the feeling of inadequacy lingers. You constantly compare yourself to others and worry you’re not doing enough.
  • “Why do I get overwhelmed by simple things like feeding or changing a diaper?”
    Tasks that once seemed simple now feel monumental. Deciding what to feed your baby or how to soothe them brings on anxiety or even panic.
  • “Why do I feel guilty all the time?”
    You feel guilty for not being happier. Guilty for wanting a break. Guilty for not “enjoying every moment.” The guilt becomes a constant background hum.
  • “Why do I miss my old life even though I love my baby?”
    You love your child deeply, but part of you mourns the freedom, sleep, and identity you had before. You didn’t expect to grieve your pre-baby self while adjusting to your new role.

These emotions can feel deeply isolating, especially when social expectations paint motherhood as universally joyful. But the reality is, postpartum depression is not a reflection of one’s ability or love as a mother—it is a medical condition, and it is treatable.

Understanding Baby Blues vs. Postpartum Depression

It’s important to know that not all emotional struggles after childbirth are signs of postpartum depression. Many mothers experience what’s known as the “baby blues”, a temporary period of mood swings, tearfulness, irritability, and anxiety that typically begins within the first few days after birth and resolves on its own within two weeks.

This period is typically when mothers are still adjusting to their new role and responsibilities. For first-time mothers, navigating unfamiliar routines like round-the-clock breastfeeding, can be physically and emotionally draining. Even for experienced mothers, the exhaustion from sleepless nights and the difference in energy levels compared to their previous postpartum experience can be overwhelming, leading to emotional fluctuations and fatigue.

Baby blues are common, affecting up to 80% of new mothers. Symptoms may include:

  • Sudden mood changes
    You might feel joyful one moment and teary the next, even when nothing specific has happened to trigger the shift.
  • Crying for no clear reason
    You find yourself in tears during a diaper change or while watching TV, unsure of what’s causing the emotional reaction.
  • Feeling overwhelmed or anxious
    The thought of handling daily baby care tasks may feel too much, even if you have support at home.
  • Trouble sleeping even when tired
    Despite physical exhaustion, your mind may race at night, worrying about the baby’s wellbeing or your own.
  • Feeling irritable or restless
    You may feel unusually short-tempered or unable to relax, even during calm or quiet moments.

While baby blues can feel intense, they usually subside without medical intervention. However, if these feelings persist beyond two weeks, intensify, or interfere with daily functioning, it may be a sign of postpartum depression.

Could I Be Experiencing Postpartum Depression?

Self-Checklist

If you are a mother who has recently given birth and have felt “off” for more than two weeks, consider the following signs:

  1. Persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or emptiness
    You feel an ongoing emotional heaviness that lingers throughout the day, even when your baby is doing well or others are around.
  2. Frequent crying spells without a clear cause
    You find yourself breaking down in tears during routine moments like folding baby clothes or washing bottles, unsure why you’re crying.
  3. Difficulty bonding with the baby
    You may feel like you’re caring for your baby out of duty, not connection, and wonder why you don’t feel the closeness you expected.
  4. Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
    Activities that used to make you feel happy, like reading, cooking, or listening to music, now feel uninteresting or too exhausting.
  5. Feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or unable to cope
    Even simple daily tasks feel unmanageable, and thoughts spiral easily into worst-case scenarios or constant worry.
  6. Difficulty sleeping (even when the baby is sleeping)
    Despite feeling physically tired, you lie awake with racing thoughts or restlessness, unable to get the rest you need.
  7. Changes in appetite or energy levels
    You may have little to no appetite, or you find yourself eating more out of stress. Energy swings are extreme, and it made you feel either drained or nervously wired.
  8. Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or being a “bad mother”
    You question your ability to be a good mom and feel like you’re constantly falling short, no matter what others say.

Thoughts of self-harm or wanting to escape
You may think about running away, disappearing, or feel that your baby or family would be better off without you. These thoughts are serious and a sign to seek immediate help.

This list is not exhaustive, but if several points resonate, seeking help is an important next step.

Recognising the Signs and Providing Support

How Loved Ones Can Help

Postpartum depression often goes unnoticed because many mothers hide their emotions to avoid judgment or “burdening” others. This is where support from loved ones becomes crucial.

Common Signs to Look Out For:

  • Noticeable mood swings or emotional withdrawal
  • Sudden changes in sleep or eating habits
  • Loss of interest in bonding with the baby or engaging in daily routines
  • Expressions of guilt, hopelessness, or feeling like a failure
  • Outbursts of anger or irritability that are out of character
  • Verbalising thoughts of wanting to disappear or feeling trapped

What You Can Say:

  • “You don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here to listen.”
    A mother experiencing postpartum depression may feel incredibly alone—even when surrounded by family. She might think her emotions are a burden to others, or that no one could understand what she’s going through. This statement reminds her that she doesn’t have to hide, and that someone is willing to be present without judgment.
    • Reassure her that she is not a burden. Emotional presence is more powerful than advice.
    • Create a safe, calm environment. Put aside distractions like phones, and make time to sit with her.
    • Let her set the pace. You don’t need her to “open up” immediately. Just be consistently available.
    • Respond with empathy. Not solutions. Say things like “That sounds really hard,” or “Thank you for telling me.”
    • Follow up later. Check in again with “How have you been feeling lately?” to show lasting support. 
  • “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a little off lately—how are you really feeling?”
    This question is a gentle way to show that you’ve noticed a change in her behaviour and that you genuinely care. It allows her to feel seen without being pressured to explain herself. A mother with postpartum depression may feel disconnected, ashamed, or scared to be honest about her emotions, especially if she thinks others will not understand or will judge her.
    • Show observant care. By gently reflecting what you’ve noticed—this can help her feel validated.
    • Choose a calm, quiet moment. Ideally have this conversation when the baby is sleeping or being cared for.
    • Use open body language and eye contact. Convey safety and attentiveness during the conversation.
    • Avoid interrupting or problem-solving. Your goal is to hold space for her to express herself.
    • Use affirming responses. “That sounds really tough,” or “Thank you for trusting me with this” to reinforce trust.
  • “There’s no shame in struggling. Many mothers go through this.”
    A mother facing postpartum depression may feel like she’s failing or that she’s the only one who isn’t coping well. Saying this helps remove the stigma and shows that her experience is not unique—many women face similar struggles, and she is not alone.
    • Acknowledge her emotions and pains. Let her know what she is feeling is valid and understandable.
    • Normalise her experience. Let her know others go through this too.
    • Reduce the sense of shame. Help her understand that there is no shame in struggling. 
  • “You are not a bad mother. Let’s find someone who can help.”
    In a state of mental and emotional exhaustion, a mother may begin to equate her struggles with failure. She may believe that needing help makes her unfit or inadequate. This statement gently separates her current emotional state from her worth as a parent.
    • Reassure her. Affirm her that this struggling does not make her a bad mother, it makes her human.
    • Remind her that asking for help, Getting help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
    • Offer to help research support options. A session with mental health professionals, counselling services, or support groups can go a long way.
    • Go the extra mile. Offer to make the appointment with her, or accompany her if she feels anxious about going alone

Follow up regularly. Show that your support isn’t a one-time offer, but a continued presence she can rely on

What to Avoid Saying:

  • “You should be happy, you have a healthy baby.”
    While this may seem like a comforting or encouraging statement, it often has the opposite effect. It suggests that a mother’s emotional struggles are less valid because her baby is physically well. This can lead to increased feelings of guilt, shame, and isolation.
    • The mother may already feel ashamed for not feeling as happy as she “should.” This statement reinforces that guilt.
    • It dismisses her emotional reality, making her feel like she’s not allowed to speak up or seek help.
    • It suggests that her mental wellbeing is secondary to her baby’s physical health, which can further silence her.

A better approach would be to acknowledge both realities: “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, even when everything looks good on the outside. How are you doing?” 

  • “This is just a phase, it’ll pass.”
    While this may be meant to reassure, it often dismisses the mother’s current pain and may lead her to believe her emotions are not worth addressing. Mothers experiencing postpartum depression may already feel uncertain about whether what they’re going through is “serious enough.” This phrase can discourage them from seeking the help they truly need.
    • It implies that her struggle is temporary and she just needs to wait it out, which may delay intervention.
    • It can make her feel misunderstood and alone, reinforcing the stigma that mental health struggles should be endured silently.
    • It removes the urgency to act, when timely support can prevent symptoms from worsening.

A better alternative could be: “It might feel like a phase, but if it’s weighing on you, we can look for help together. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

  • “It’s just hormones, don’t overthink it.”
    This phrase may sound harmless, but it dismisses a mother’s emotional experience by attributing it solely to hormonal changes. While hormones do play a role after childbirth, reducing her struggles to “just hormones” trivialises what could be a serious mental health condition.
    • It suggests her feelings are not valid and may cause her to question her own reality.
    • It can make her feel irrational or embarrassed for feeling the way she does.
    • It may prevent her from speaking up again or reaching out for help.

A more supportive response could be: “Hormones can definitely affect how we feel, but if something doesn’t feel right, I’m here to support you through it. Do you want to talk about it?”

  • “Other mothers have it worse.”
    This statement compares her pain to someone else’s, which can make her feel like her experience is not valid or serious enough to deserve care. While it might be said with the intention of providing perspective, it often leads to silence, shame, and self-doubt.
    • It implies that her suffering must reach a certain level before it can be acknowledged or supported.
    • It can discourage her from speaking up again, making her feel like she’s being dramatic or selfish.
    • It increases guilt—she may think, “I should be able to handle this,” instead of recognising she needs help.

A better alternative would be: “Every mother’s journey is different. What you’re feeling matters, and I want to be here for you.”

Ways to Offer Practical Support:

  • Take over household tasks or childcare for short periods
  • Accompany her to appointments or offer to help find a professional
  • Gently suggest talking to a therapist or support group
  • Continue checking in regularly and offer consistent presence

Where to Seek Help in Singapore

If you or someone you know may be experiencing postpartum depression, professional support is available.

Specialist Clinics and Services:

KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital – Women’s Mental Wellness Services

Contact Details
Telephone: 6294 4050
Email: pnd@kkh.com.sg

Operation Hours
Mondays – Fridays: 8.30am to 5.30pm
Saturdays: 8.30am to 12.30pm
Not available on Sundays and public holidays

National University Hospital (NUH) – Women’s Emotional Health Service

Contact Details
Telephone: 6772 2037
Email: wehs@nuhs.edu.sg 

Operation Hours
Mondays – Fridays: 8.30am to 5.00pm
Not available on Saturdays, Sundays and public holidays

Clarity Singapore (for mental wellness, including maternal mental health)

Contact Details
Telephone: 6757 7990
Email: ask@clarity-singapore.org  

Operation Hours
Mondays – Fridays: 9.00am to 5.30pm
Not available on Saturdays, Sundays and public holidays

Crisis and Emotional Support Helplines:

  • Samaritans of Singapore (SOS): 1767 (24/7)

A Final Word of Encouragement

 

Experiencing postpartum depression does not mean you are weak, ungrateful, or failing as a mother. It means you are human and like all health conditions, mental wellness deserves attention and care.

If you’re reading this and seeing yourself in these words, please know that there is support, healing, and light ahead. And if you are a loved one of someone who may be struggling, your patience, empathy, and presence can make a world of difference.

You are not alone.

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